Even a Blind Squirrel Finds a Nut

Wednesday, 30 July 2008 15:50

Well the band of bumbling, fumbling investigators, a.k.a. The FDA, has finally found the source of the Salmonella Saintpaul outbreak that has infected over 1,200 people in the U.S. Surprise, suprise the origin has been tracked to imported serrano peppers from a farm in Nuevo Leon, Mexico. The rare strain of salmonella was found in both the farm's serrano peppers and it's irrigation water.

Let's see, in the three months the FDA has been investigating the outbreak the following theories have been proposed by the organization which controls our vital food supply:

Tomatoes, yes it's definitely tomatoes. From the U.S. somewhere, let's go state by state and figure out where the salmonella isn't coming from. Ya, that should buy us some time, we'll tell everyone what hay doesn't contain the needle
Ok everyone, rest assured we're sure these types of tomatoes from these 30 or more states are fine
Uhhh, sorry. Just kidding, maybe tomatoes aren't the source. Maybe it's peppers, ya that's it peppers
Well maybe it's just jalapeño peppers and we still can't rule out tomatoes. Again, we don't want to upset our foreign food producers, so let's just focus on the U.S. again
Eh, cough, cough, sorry Mexico, looks like the jalapeño's may be coming from you after all
Oh boy (wiping beads of sweat from their brows), the peppers are most definitely coming from Mexico and they're serrano's not jalapeño's. This is really complicated, we're trying our best (not to upset all the countries we import food from), peppers shouldn't be consider food anyway.

So the FDA may have finally determined the real source of the outbreak which has hospitalized over 240 people in 43 states and D.C. Congratulations for placing so many people at risk, costing millions in tax dollars and lost revenue to finally isolate the source of this insidious and extremely rare form of salmonella. Give yourself a round of applause for doing your jobs.

Hopefully this is the conclusion of the three month demonstration on the woeful inadequacies of this agency. Or maybe we'll find out next week that it was another type of pepper. For now, perhaps it's best to lay off the salsa. Stay safe, stay healthy and stay GermAware everyone.

Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites